The need to get out of my apartment and start fresh has been growing more and more every day since before I kicked Sean out, and it's at the point where it consumes my thoughts and life every day. Every day I wake up and I think about what I can do to make this escape a reality, but it feels so impossible. I feel like I'm so scared of my past situations that I can't get into any new ones.
All the apartments I'm seeing looks so nice, but they're just out of reach. A beautiful 1-2 bedroom just out of my price range, just far enough out of Northampton where I'm too scared to even think of trying to afford it... roommates who look so sweet and kind, but I'm scared of feeling crowded or getting judged.
I'm typing this on my break so I'm going to get right to the point: The only thing that matters to me during this apartment search besides affordability and location, is you. My main goal for months is to just be friends with you again, and I can't stand being in a place where that's getting in my way. I love you so much, and I'm so scared of losing you again... Any place I go, anywhere I end up, I just want you to be there in the end. I know you hate Northampton and the valley, but the thought of you coming back and being closer to me fills me with so much hope for the future... a future I don't want to see you out of.
I heard you were getting evicted and it took me so much not to suggest you move in with me. I want to be around you so badly and while fear holds me back, I think the fear of never having a chance with you again scares me more... you're the only person I can imagine living with.
I might send you this link before karaoke is over, I might not, so if you're reading this right now, know that not a second passes where you aren't on my mind...